i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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