i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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