I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
