My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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