There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
