Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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