Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
