His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
