tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just had sex on a roof
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
