It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!