My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
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she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
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That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.