My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies