He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
This is the prime rib incident all over again
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
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Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT