Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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