I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
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I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
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I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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