you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
