so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
