i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
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