who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Soap is not a condiment
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
