if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
