she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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