so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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