I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
