Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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