Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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