You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
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she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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