okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
