girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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