He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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