It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
