she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
