we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
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You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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