I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
