Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
