I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
