Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Randomize
