Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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