My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
