your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
