a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
