Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
