some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
