i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
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Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
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Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Dear god my vagina.
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