From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
