i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
