Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
