this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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