Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
