I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
