Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
