They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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