If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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