so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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