we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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