half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
