I am full of burrito and curiosity
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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