I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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