I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
