she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
