So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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