After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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