He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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