Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He has the fingertips of a God
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