I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
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he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
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I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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