I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
