i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
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