cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
