I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
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He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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