So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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