Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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