9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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