Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
