All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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