My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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