every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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