You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
