hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
