yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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