Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
