i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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