am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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