she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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