Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize