I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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