hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Randomize
