You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
