She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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