I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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