if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
