my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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